I have many things that excite me about everyday living – like ‘coincidences’ that lead to outcomes I never could have imagined and learning new things.
Recently, through a mutual friend, I met Dr. Stephanie Burns, an Australian human behavior specialist specializing in adult learning and the human brain and body.
Among the many things I learned from Dr. Burns is a simple yet profound ‘hack’ for sustaining motivation.
But first, as a little ‘background, a great motivator to get humans ‘going’ toward a dream, in the beginning, is the evidence that someone they relate to has done it before them.
It’s the ole, “If they can do it, I can do it!”
That’s a great starter. It’s the well-known “I can!”
The challenge is that specific self-talk repeated “I can. I can” indefinitely doesn’t last long-term by itself because “I can” gives us an image of precisely what we want, and nothing else will do!
Instead, once we believe we can, if we say to ourselves, “I’m not sure how far I’ll go – let’s see,” and we work at the goal diligently day after day, our motivation is fueled because we’re excited to see how far we really can go.
Perhaps it will be further than the original dream – who knows? Let’s see!
So that’s what I have for you today – a power-packed Mighty Mouse inner voice phase that encourages and challenges you simultaneously.
I know you can go for your dreams – and I’m wondering just how far that will be!
For some reason, a few ago, I was going through a challenging time.
There was a lot going on, including the weather (I know, any of you Northerners or Mountain folks have no sympathy for our Southern winter complaints (-:)
Business-wise, there were simultaneously challenging and exciting things happening. One exciting development is launching a new Master Class for Cutting. I always love these classes. They are some of my greatest joys. My favorite part is interacting with the students I get to know, and of course, I always learn, too.
On the challenging side, this past week included empathy for a friend going through the hell of a lifetime.
So I was feeling super vulnerable, and fortunately, Brene Brown came to mind. It had been quite a while since I had watched her videos or re-read her books, so I got on YouTube and was grateful to be there.
Her words were healing.
I remember her saying before that whatever makes us vulnerable makes us beautiful, but I couldn’t remember much more detail than that. When we feel vulnerable, we feel raw inside; sharing it is always good with someone we trust.
In the video, she was talking about how if we fear someone discovering our weaknesses, it can cause us to throw up our guard. That’s certainly not the stuff of connection. 😉
Brene also talked about how vulnerability is the birthplace of positive emotions.
I’ve always loved positive emotions (who doesn’t), and I know and aspire to live their joy and power. Positive emotions are like the heartbeat of life to me.
It was enlightening to reflect on the fact that without vulnerability, there is no love, empathy, or, in some cases, the need to innovate.
Somehow, those videos were exactly what I needed.
I’ve always believed that in difficulties, we can find our greatest gifts. (It’s the same when we ride a horse. A place of weakness is our customized place to improve.) But now, I see vulnerability as a shared emotion and a powerhouse for connection. When we open our hearts to others, whether it’s with horses or people, those moments of sharing are powerful movers of the heart.
With sharing comes connection. And connection is what we all crave.
So there you go. That’s my vulnerability experience of the week. It feels good to have rediscovered Brene’s wisdom and realize that feeling vulnerable is part of the human experience – albeit a dark feeling – but beautiful light is on the other side.
Vulnerability is something! It isn’t easy, but as we have the courage to walk through it, we discover some of life’s most precious gifts and beauty.
We all process information and experiences differently. Some of us love to listen to information. Others are visual. And then a percentage of us are mostly tuned into touch.
I’m more auditory. I love to see things, too, but I know I process more readily by listening.
So, for me, visualizing has always been something I’ve had to practice consistently. But it’s well worth it because research has shown that visualization facilitates and improves performance incredibly.
And it’s like a muscle. It takes practice over time to build visualization strength.
Here are some ideas for how to do just that:
Go over the entire ride in your mind before you even step on your horse. The more often, the better.
Visualize exactly how you want a sequence to unfold just before the maneuver begins. With consistent practice, in moments, you can see a complicated series of maneuvers play out beautifully in your head. With practice, this happens in a moment.
Review potential challenges and demanding situations that might come up and how you would respond to each one.
Be consistent! Morning and evening practice are ideal.
The more you add emotion and touch to your visualizations, the more impactful they become. Experience what you are about to do with every part of your being. Feel the sweat on your horse’s neck. Smell the fly spray and mane detangler. Breathe. Project yourself in every way into each ride segment, so much so that where you will be and the energy of what you’re doing feel like they’re actually happening.
You can do it! The first time I made the NCHA Futurity Finals was after I visualized morning and evening and saw myself riding in Will Rogers Coliseum in Fort Worth. And when I rode to the herd, it was like I had been there hundreds of times before – because I had.
And make them fun! You can do anything you like in your mind!
When we compete, it’s easy to feel the pressure to get good results. We feel like all eyes are on us and our horses. After all, that’s how success is measured, right?
In this article, I suggest a perspective that shifts our focus to a more productive place, releases the pressure to meet external results, and puts our awareness and effort where it’s most influential – on the partnership with our horse in the show pen.
Because of my background and training in mental skills, for years, I’ve said that the only job we have when we show is to get ourselves ready, get our horse ready, and then go in the show ring and be present during every part of our ride.
That’s still true. Nothing has changed for me – except – how to focus on achieving that.
I will digress momentarily when we practice at home before the show. Typically that is thorough as possible, and we have a plan for show day.
At home, we focus on our horses, hopefully not only on what we want them to do but also our relationship with them.
Our relationship matters because, by nature, as prey animals, horses are extremely sensitive. While it may not always seem like that, they are perceptive to us, our moods, focus, and energy.
Now back to show day.
Our horses need us to be the same person at the show as we are at home – and – they need us to be perceptive about their fears and worries at the show.
When our focus shifts from concern about how we will do to preparing ourselves and helping our horse be ready and tuned in to the job at hand, we set both of us up for success.
Our horses need us.
They know when we are focused on them and when we’re not. I’m not saying they won’t do an excellent job for us when they know we’re consumed with ourselves, but by nature, when we focus on them, they feel safe and comforted because they know we have their back.
Getting ourselves ready, focusing on our horses to do the job at hand, and staying present in the moment is the recipe for performing at our highest level for us and our horses.
What I’m about to tell you is the same for riders across the board; actually, it’s the same for humans across the board, but I’m going to give you an example from the cutting world.
The National Cutting Horse Association just wrapped up its 2nd largest show of the year. It’s one of the biggies, so there’s always a lot of excitement around it.
That’s what this video is all about.
VIDEO TRANSCRIPT:
What I want to share is a pattern I see over and over again that people who excel do.
They take nothing for granted. No matter how accomplished they are, they don’t think, “Oh, I’ve got it now, so no need to go the extra mile.”No, they go two extra miles instead – every time!
They mentally rehearse the technical skills, mindsets, and physical presentation strategies to prepare for their horse and upcoming ride. They visualize, plan a script, etc.
As they do this mental rehearsal and planning, they fully notice and acknowledge what they feel confident about and own it. These are their strengths, and they know the incredible power of constantly building on them.
Instead of feeling anxious about the less developed skills of their horse or themselves, or things they feel uncertain about, they think about how they will navigate them if those areas arise. They also physically practice them, of course, but having a game plan in their mind for these spots of uneasiness reverses the anxiety train. Now they know what to do if need be, and they slow down in that part of their ride to do their job – physically and mentally.
So there you go, four things you too can do – for a lifetime – to keep you grounded, building on your strengths, navigating lesser known areas, learning, and having a plan for your rides.
What do you think about these four areas? Please feel free to leave a comment for me. As always, I love to read them.
I have two friends navigating the same challenge but in totally different disciplines.
One rides reining horses, and the other shows pleasure horses.
They both love to show and have been progressing well, and their results in the arena are beginning to show it, too.
But the wheels fell off in the show pen in the past three weeks.
One was angry that she had worked so hard only to get that kind of result, and the other felt humiliated and discouraged.
Raise your hand if you can relate.
Okay, you can put your hand down now!
This video discusses my thoughts on their situations and what to do next.
VIDEO TRANSCRIPT:
My first response as a friend was to listen. I asked lots of questions to get the story facts, as well as the story they were telling themselves about the situation and why things turned out that way.
I felt their pain, and I’ve been there many times, too. We try so hard. We’ve invested a lot of energy; things go well – until they don’t – in a big way. It’s a huge letdown and can be very discouraging.
My first thought is that no one escapes this kind of pain. No one. When I was heavily showing a few years back, I shed tears when I missed the finals by a half point in a big show or, on the other side, did so poorly I felt embarrassed. I used to ask God why He had to make it so hard! LOL.
The critical thing to remember for you and me is when it doesn’t turn out well, after we poured our heart into it, know that somehow, somewhere, things went awry.
Duh!
Yes, but that doesn’t mean anything more than it’s time to be a detective and figure it out. It was never a reflection on if you or I had what it took or if we would ever be successful again.
If we think, “I’m just a poor rider. This will always keep happening because I don’t have what it takes,” that’s shame and damaging to our hearts and confidence. And untrue!
But if we think, “That went to heck in a handbasket, let me figure out if it was my riding, my focus, my horse’s preparation, the cows, the plastic bag that flew across the arena, or something else nefarious?”
Bottom line. Is it something I can control? If so, study and practice the lesson and go for it again. If it’s out of my control, let it go.
I know that sounds easier said than done, but the difference between the two perspectives is massive.
One keeps you searching and learning and builds inner strength; the other gives your brain the message, “You know, you really should hang it up.” With the second one, there’s little room for a bright future because the brain believes everything we tell it.
So, know the bottom will always drop out from time to time. Give yourself some time to grieve the moment. But be a watchdog for those inner thoughts that degrade you.
Let me know what you think – and always be kind to yourself no matter what.
There is an attribute of extraordinary people that I love. They take care of their hearts. By that, I mean they take time to nourish their spirit.
It seems like this would be so personal that it’s not worth mentioning here, but I have come to know it is central to a successful horse and everyday life – one that’s full of joy and authenticity.
Here’s what I mean.
First, being still and listening within is a practice of the heart and soul.
Next, we never ‘get’ anything to the point where we never need to review it again or build on foundation ideas and skills. Nothing is one-and-done.
I want to apply this idea to a question I received from a social media post from a woman (and I’m paraphrasing here) who is often worrying about getting hurt as she gets older. She doesn’t want to fret about the what-ifs and wonders how to remain confident.
So, in this case, one way would be to visualize or write in her journal every morning about seeing herself as a confident rider – that she trusts her horse and feels safe (she said she did in her question).
Then she could create a ritual at the barn before she gets on her horse to call up calmness. Maybe she offers a thought or a prayer of positive intention for a safe and enjoyable ride. Then every time she begins to worry, she stops her horse, breathes, and doesn’t continue until she feels in her heart that all is well.
In this case, nourishing her spirit would pay big dividends of confidence – and – it would require an investment of energy every time she rides.
No one gets out of having to visit and revisit essential practices that cause us to call up confidence and courage within. And we all will need to do it for a lifetime.
It is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves, and we can do it for anything that truly matters to us.
We talk about mental, emotional, or physical training, but the reality is that the mind, body, and emotions are one.
When we think about something, it impacts our emotions and our body. When we do something physical, it affects our thoughts and feelings. And no matter what we feel, there is a corresponding response in our body and ideas in our mind.
Just as physical muscles can be built, so can mental and emotional muscles. And the process is the same.
For example, we will hit a plateau if we do the same physical exercise routine every day. There won’t be much change, and we won’t get weaker, but we won’t build muscle either.
To get stronger mentally and emotionally, we must expose ourselves to more challenging mental workouts.
How do we do that?
Here are some scenarios for you.
When we are riding well, and everything’s going great, there might seem to be very few emotional challenges. It feels like we’re cruising along, singing a song, side-by-side with our horse. 😊
But challenges always come up, both big and small. Maybe we don’t care for the judge, the weather is difficult, the ground is terrible, or we get a stomach bug. All kinds of situations always happen.
But when we embrace the idea that just like working out physically to get stronger, we can get mentally and emotionally stronger through adversity, our entire mindset changes. Hardships become opportunities to grow.
We don’t resist challenges. We access what’s in our control and what’s not. We decide what we can do or what we can learn, but through it all, we never turn on our belief in ourselves or our horses.
We take the opportunity to respond calmly with solutions. We keep believing we are enough and we can do it! We welcome those chances to keep learning but never allow them to break our spirit.
When the inevitable challenges come up, how we respond is what makes us mentally and emotionally more vital – or not.
There is a big shift happening in the world of horse competition today.
The old model of “I’m an uninformed amateur who’s messing up my horse, and I’ll never get it” is fading in the background. The days of ‘there’s only winning and losing’ are becoming a thing of the past.
Competing is so much more than that. It’s courageous and thrilling – and that’s worth everything.
The old approach wherein everyone believes that progress has to be painfully slow and measured only on the outside is anything from incredibly frustrating – to shaming – to unsatisfying.
Plus, it inhibits your ability to ride at ease, think for yourself, be confident – and feel your horse.
Today’s video is all about a new mindset and how to set you and your horse up for success in the show pen.
For any horse and rider team to perform at peak levels in competition, both must be communicating back and forth as seamlessly as possible.
This type of conversation begins when you’re calm, focused, immersed in the moment, and supporting your partner. Nothing more. You’re not aware of the weather, who’s judging, or who’s watching.
You ride for that insatiable feeling of being at one with a horse. Of course, we all want to win. But feeling in sync with a horse is nothing short of heaven.
That ability for you to perceive your horse moment-to-moment begins with a ‘slow on the inside’ feeling and a positively engaged mind.
It’s a feeling is sublime calmness, with a keen awareness – as if all your senses have been turned on. And in addition to incredible synchronicity with the horse, you can ‘ride through mistakes’ and make good decisions when things go off the rails.
In this new shift, you are beginning to understand that you are responsible for your own state of mind, body, and emotion – no one else can do it for you.
You are also responsible for discovering, understanding and practicing the pieces and parts that add up to competitive excellence – and then systematically cultivating those skills and behaviors – for a lifetime.
In competition, this begins by setting your own ‘True North,’ that guiding compass that is authentic and holds your unique reasons for riding and competing. Those reasons are yours, and then you summon the courage to create a bold vision and believe in yourself.
You also know you are not perfect (and never will be) because the perfection mindset dwells on what’s not going well. Excellence says, ‘Take me to the next mountain top; I’m ready.
On show day, the goal is to be your collective best with your horse. You are there to show your strengths and shore up your weaknesses.
Showing is laying it all on the line at a specific place and time in front of other people. Sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose, but you know you have done everything possible to prepare at the end of the day.
At the end of the day or later at home comes a review. What went well? What worked for your horse? How did you two do together? Celebrate your strengths and accomplishments and be detective-like for your next steps to improve. The love of competition and the pursuit of excellence continues.
Competitive excellence is not only what you see on the outside – it’s an experience shared between the inside of the rider’s soul and the horse’s spirit. It’s working hard individually (and together), getting ready, walking into the show pen, staying cool under pressure – seeing the truth when it’s all done, and then craving more improvement.
The desire for constant growth is never viewed with a depredating eye – only with the constant encouragement of, “Here you go. Here’s your next step. Enjoy!”
This mindset and practicing the steps are your jobs, along with the support of others – but you are still the one who is responsible for going for the gusto.
Embrace the shift, the joy, and the fun. It truly is all about the journey.
What I always find amazing is the fact there are always more layers to understand and learn in anything we do.
Of course, that’s true about communicating with our beloved horses and developing our riding skills. The depth and breadth of what seems to just keep showing up for each of us is truly incredible and surprising sometimes for how it comes to us.
Audio Transcript:
Hey, it’s Barb,
What I always find amazing is the fact there are always more layers to understand and learn in anything we do.
Of course, that’s true about communicating with our beloved horses and developing our riding skills. The depth and breadth of what seems to just keep showing up for each of us is truly incredible and surprising sometimes for how it comes to us.
It’s the same with the mental and spiritual side of our lives with horses.
I was watching an interview on TV with a college coach. I’m sorry to say I did not write his name or the college name down.
He was talking about when he interviewed for the job before he was hired.
He said that he told the powers that be that if they wanted a coach “to win” that he was not their man. Sure he would do his best, but he was more interested in the growing the character of his players as a measure of success than the scores of the game.
Although I was intrigued by so much that he said, and I was glued to the TV as I listened to him, I wrote down one point in particular that resonated with me – and put it in big words on my vision board.
Keep your expectations HIGH! NO EXCUSES.
It’s interesting how certain things happen in our lives when the time is right.
The two parts of that message – expectations high and no excuses got me thinking about my own expectations about so many things – and if and how I limited my thoughts about them by thinking small or making excuses.
What I found is that sometimes the small thinking doesn’t have to be in terms of limited expectations – although I sense some of that – but it’s more subtle than that. Sometimes it can be a lack of excitement. It’s like a feeling of being resigned to ‘this is just how this or that is.’
To me, what makes the “Keep your expectations high and no excuses,” powerful is both parts of that phrase.
It’s a raise the bar! C’mon, let’s go. You can do it! And don’t be mealy-mousing around with the roadblocks that come up – including the ones I generate by not keeping my eye focused on going for the highest of the high expectation.
I was inspired by that interview. I wish I had written down his name. I only watched for a few minutes, but the timing of the message for me was perfect – as it always is for all of us.
So no matter what you’re doing with your horse, keep your expectations
HIGH! No excuses!
Let me know what you think in the comments. Have a great week.
