A woman I know often feels like she comes up short in her horse program.
She loves her horses, but thinks her horses are just ok, and that her riding isn’t good enough (and likely never will be), and that she doesn’t have enough time, money, or friends in the horse world.
While that sounds a bit dire, she’s certainly not alone. Dare I say, many of us feel some version of the same, to some degree.
It’s called scarcity. It’s characterized by the belief that who we are and what we have are never enough, and that we need something more from the outside world to come to us or to happen to be fulfilled.
The biggest challenge is that a scarcity mindset causes us to compare ourselves to others and overlook our unique qualities. If that ‘more’ does come to us in some form from the outside, it’s likely still not enough.
Scarcity is insatiable and toxic.
In the horse world, we may think we need to be a better rider because so-and-so person is at a higher level. Or, if we compete and win a big championship, in our minds, we think it was a fluke, so we need to win more classes to prove we’re the real deal.
When it comes to learning new skills with our horses, one way scarcity might manifest is in the desire to be ‘fixed’ by someone or something else.
If we go to a clinic and hear something we’ve understood before, we might think we already know how to do that, but what we know is the what, not the how. We confuse knowledge with learning.
In a scarcity mindset, we want to explore NEW ideas to develop our skills, rather than delve deeper into the nuances, sequences, and rhythms of fundamentals we’re familiar with.
New strategies and concepts are good, but in their own time. There’s an order and a process to learning. First comes getting solid with what comes first.
There’s a concept that’s the opposite of scarcity. It’s called ‘sufficiency’. The idea is that when we want to expand anything, an excellent strategy is to go deeper with what we already have.
In the currently available “You Hold the Reins” mini-podcast series, Dr. Stephanie Burns, an expert in adult learning, offers a glimpse into how the adult human brain works, including learning new skills and getting unstuck with skills you struggle with.
She helps us understand that there’s so much we can do to learn more effectively. Plus, it’s essential for efficient and effective learning.
Learning requires taking knowledge (information/understanding) and practicing it in specific ways. This is work typically done between lessons and without the presence of instructors, for example.
We do ‘hold the reins’ to advancing our skills in the most efficient and effective ways possible – and it does require knowing how to study skills on our own – and then doing it!.
Stephanie’s teaching on ‘deep learning’ has brought to light a multitude of multidimensional concepts about adult learning and what’s possible for us.
In podcast two, for example, she explains the necessity for clarity, breaking things down, and repetition in more detail.
I was coaching someone recently, and I just kept hearing Stephanie’s words about deep learning in my mind.
I was thinking about how I could break down the ideas I was sharing even more, and also how I could make it meaningful to my student and help her do the same when she wasn’t with me.
It was as if a brick hit me, highlighting the importance of these deep learning concepts and how they need to be applied. As I thought about ‘how’ to use them, a new whole world of clarity, creativity, and design opened up.
Because of what Stephanie teaches and how she’s teaching it, she’s helped me ‘go deeper’ – and boy, there’s a lot of room there to expand. 😊
Dr. Burns calls learning our superpower. It’s not a talent given to some and not others. We just need to know how to do our part. That’s up to us.
If you haven’t signed up to hear them (they’re free), I recommend doing so soon! You won’t regret it! There’s so much you can do to help yourself. You just need to know how and then follow through.
I’m thrilled to be learning this information for myself. To me, it’s life-changing.
It opens doors to learning whatever you want to learn by doing what you do for yourself.
It can be so elusive. What does that mean? And most importantly, how can you develop it?
To me “riding with feel” means being so connected to your horse that you can sense how to communicate seamlessly with him moment to moment (like a dance partner leading the dance.)
For example, you show him what to do next with just the right amount of cuing. Or you detect what he is going to do next before he actually does it. You sense his muscles tighten or his body parts barely move before he actually changes direction. Because you sense these subtle shifts, you are right there with just the right amount of seat, feet or leg support to guide him moment to moment.
So how do you acquire this elusive quality of “feel” in an efficient way?
Well nothing replaces hours in the saddle, but there is an exercise you can do to help your quest.
First, riding a horse with “feel” is a “soft” skill.
In any endeavor (not just horses) a “soft” skill means being responsive to a constantly changing situation. What’s going on is never exactly the same … similar to a quarter back making moment to moment decisions play by play.
“Hard” skills, by comparison are the things you do over and over in the same way (for the most part) … like how you position yourself in the saddle, or how you hold the reins.
It’s important to understand that soft skills take longer to develop because it takes multiple exposures to multiple changing scenarios to develop accurate responsiveness.
It’s also important to know that it’s common to get frustrated as you learn soft skills because there’s no short cut to the time and experience necessary to learn them.
However, I do have an exercise for you that I know will help you develop “feel” by helping you become more mindful of your horse’s movements.
Step one is to walk your horse with your chin up, shoulders back and eyes up.
Breathe as you walk.
Simple.
Now, connect to your core. By this I mean tighten your abs a bit. Push you belly button back and down towards your spine.
Keep walking with great posture, eyes up, an awareness of your core … and breathing. Take your time. Get comfortable, yet alert.
Now, stay in that same posture and core awareness as you connect to your legs. Feel your legs moving with your horse’s ribs and legs. You don’t need to analyze what leg is doing what. Just “feel” the movement.
Keep breathing. Keep you eyes up. Stay soft in your body. Make your elbows heavy. Breathe into any body part that feels tight. Don’t rush. Get loose and stay loose. Be aware. Tune into the movement.
Now, go deeper. Drop your awareness further down and into your horse’s feet. You don’t have to know exactly which foot is where. Just gently take your mind through your core, through your legs, and then through his legs and into his feet.
Stay mentally connected to the rhythm of his feet. As you turn a corner imagine his feet positions. Perhaps in a curve to the left, you notice that his right front foot reaches a bit over the left front foot. Again, there’s no need to be super analytical. Just feel it.
And as you do other things … stopping, backing, trotting, loping … do this same exercise. Connect to his feet. Imagine what they are doing.
If you want to extend a horse’s gait, before you ask your horse with your feet, imagine his feet moving faster. If you want to slow down, imagine his feet slowing down.
Remember, do this exercise slowly at first.
The keys are to keep looking up. Keep breathing, Keep connecting to your core. Then become mindful of his feet.
Have you had the experience of learning an idea and using it successfully to help you stay focused or get back on the right track, but it just fades away over time? Then, all of a sudden, it pops up again, and you realize how valuable it is.
That’s because if we don’t use something consistently, we get further away from it, making it less memorable. However, it’s still there somewhere in our minds, and it becomes more prominent every time we review and return to it.
This happened to me with Byron Katie’s four questions.
AUDIO TRANSCRIPT:
She created four questions that, when taken together, are an excellent tool for letting go of fear or worry.
The questions can be used when you notice you don’t feel great.
You can use them when you’re not feeling comfortable inside (maybe something just happened), or you saw someone you had a judgment about, or you saw someone you were concerned had a judgment about you, or you think about what your horse may or may not be able to do – those kinds of things.
In many situations, asking yourself these questions gets you centered again.
Their use is connected to the idea that we tell ourselves something about something and become self-aware that the outcome of that thought doesn’t feel good or move us forward.
Here are the four questions:
Number one, “Is it true?
Number two, “Can I absolutely know that it’s true?”
Number three: “How do I react? What happens to me inside when I believe that thought?
Number four: “Who would I be without that thought?
My response to question four is typically, “I feel free,” and that’s a great feeling.
I hope you enjoy trying out the questions. They are incredibly valuable, mainly when you have thoughts and judgments that are uncomfortable or limiting.
I always appreciate you being here. Please leave a comment. Bye bye.
In this audio I discuss a friend’s experience of feeling self-conscious and distracted during a private riding lesson with a trainer she admired.
Her feeling is natural due to our innate desire to connect and be approved by others.
I then suggest a simple tool for handling such feelings: asking oneself what one’s job is at that moment. In this case, my friend’s job was to gather information and feedback.
I introduced the concept of “pinging” (recently learned by Dr. Stephanie Burns), which involves directing one’s brain to focus on something specific—in this case, hearing and integrating the trainer’s information into the ride—undistracted.
I emphasized the importance of setting an intention to tune into the experience’s purpose and integrate the feedback received.
AUDIO TRANSCRIPT:
A friend of mine asked me this question this week.
But before I share my answer, here’s a little background.
She went to one of her favorite trainers to ride with him, and it was a private lesson. She was very excited and greatly admired him for how he teaches and for his kindness, clearness, helpfulness, and support.
But when she was there and riding with him, she felt self-conscious and distracted from being present with her horse and taking in his instruction.
So that’s what we’re doing here – talking about managing self-consciousness in lessons.
We can all relate to what she said because of our innate desire to connect with other people, to care for them, for them to care for us, for them to like us, and for them to approve of us. We’re hardwired for that as humans.
So that’s what I mean when I say it’s natural.
And while it was a great luxury to have his undivided attention, it is almost like he had laser vision! We imagine someone seeing every little flaw and maybe being judgmental.
And, of course, that’s the farthest from the truth.
Great teachers see what’s working, and then they see the next step we can take to help us in our weaker areas.
My friend knew why she was there and knew all that rationally, but she wanted help to sort out her feelings of distraction and self-consciousness.
A straightforward tool that can be very useful is asking ourselves, “What’s my job?”
At that moment, her job was gathering information to get feedback on what she was doing well and what she could do to keep improving.
I will tell you about this fun fact I learned from my friend, Dr. Stephanie Burns.
We can program our brains in a fun way; she calls it ‘pinging.’
Pinging is telling our brain to pay attention to something.
We can say, “Hey, brain, I want you to pay attention and take in the feedback I’m getting without judgment. I just want to hear it and integrate it. So, that’s what I want to pay attention to.”
When other thoughts arise, or someone else distracts me, I want my brain to say, “Thank you, but no thank you.”
In other words, I will program my brain to take in the information I want and leave the rest.
I’ll relax and take a breath. I’ll keep breathing; I’ll listen and feel my horse, and I’m going to play with the ideas. When appropriate, I’ll get clarification if I don’t understand something.
But my only job is to tune into the purpose of why I’m there.
In this case, the purpose was information and feedback – not to be my close circle of support.
That’s the job of a spouse or a good friend.
She could tell herself, “I’m not there for their approval. I’m there for the information. Before and as I ride, I will set an intention to ping or tune into the information I desire to learn, letting it come into my mind and body and integrate it. To the best of my ability, I will allow that ongoing information to soak in, incorporate feedback and understanding, relax into that cycle, and take in what this experience and mentor offer me.”
So there you go. It’s about directing your brain to be clear about an activity’s purpose, get grounded, and set an intention about where you will focus your attention.
When something distracts you, say to yourself, “Thank you, but no, thank you. I’m here to take in information, relax, hear, see, respond as best I can, and learn.”
Okay, enjoy. I hope that’s helpful.
I hope you have a great week. Please leave me a comment and let me know what you think.
